It’s cold outside, but this doesn't seem to shake her. The
blistering wind and slight drizzle is not enough to stop her emotional whim.
She’s not a smoker, never has been, but on days like these when her thoughts
run away from her, she turns to the poisonous cloud of clarity. It’s a love
hate relationship that she has fostered for many years. She finds an unhealthy solace in drawing on
the tip of the yellow stub from time to time. But why in the cold she asks
herself, why not wait until a place of secret warmth is nearby. She starts to
ponder the answer and arguably denies her dependency. It is not a physical
desire but rather emotional. She feels that when she stands in the natural
elements, whether belting hot or icy cool, her innate bodily reaction to
acknowledge the external forces summon her to a place of introspection. At
first she feels the cold; her vulnerable skin greets the consequences until she
can no longer respond to them. Her teeth start to shake and her thoughts start
to freeze. It is in this place now that she can merely be, nowhere else. The
only questions that raise their hands are the ones that ask why? Why are you here,
why are you doing this? Is something wrong? Usually she could ignore such
questions, but today, in the cold, she must face them. Behaviour that has
deviated from status quo must be seen too she diligently, yet apathetically thinks.
But she realises it is such behaviour that, in utter contradiction, reinstates
the status quo, thereby defeating the interrogation, because it is in this
state that she is at peace. There is no anxiety, only that which will follow. She
puts out the cigarette, shakes hands with imminent remorse and reaches for the
bottle of perfume that is designed to cover up the lie she has just told
herself.
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Monday, 1 October 2012
To put it simply
It is a new season, and a new season offers new possibilities. The darkness of winter is over and it’s time to dance in the light.
My new season is one that sees me living simpler. I want to abandon the complex because it interferes with the beauty of the present. I want to eat simply, walk simply, write simply and smile simply. I don’t want to dissect the intricacies of my mind or this world, for the beauty itself is in the intangible intricacy. It is that which cannot be explained. It is an unfathomable algorithm that loses its innate charm when constantly poked.
I look back at the things I’ve said, written and done and I
can almost hear my annoying, cynical and childish words scraping my mind like
fingers on a chalkboard. There was nothing simple about them. I don’t even know now what I was trying to
say. I used to think we needed to analyse and problem solve, like the world was
one big algebra sum. Well I’ve since learnt that it is indeed ourselves who conjure up
these improbable equations. If we look around us, there is more simplicity
than problems. We need to learn to invite this simplicity into our lives and
stop creating our own amateur commentary of distorted psychology.
I’m not sure what it means yet to live simply, but I’m going
to give it a try. I sense a profound liberty in doing this. Monday, 17 September 2012
In too deep
The Elephant in the Water
 |
It was still dark outside when I woke up this morning to the
incessant ringing of my punctual alarm clock. I’m not dilly, but yes I am that
person who gets up earlier than most to slog it at the gym.
This morning, being a cardio day, was my swim day. Sounds
daunting, but once you’re in the heated pool in the fancy Virgin Active Gym; you
are suddenly overcome by a very Chad Le clos seriousness. People who are up at
that hour are not there to muck about and blow bubbles. This is dedicated
training time! These people eat protein bars and drink tasteless powder shakes.
(I don’t do that….Yugh).
I began swimming about a month ago due to an injury, and
although I’m not a fantastic swimmer, I manage not to drown. I still hit my head on the wall sometimes and
have regular fits of hysteria from swallowing water, but I pull it off like a
pro. Well at least I thought I did anyway, until today, when an unexpected visitor actually made me think about pool etiquette for the very first time.
Let me tell you why.
I was on about my 147th lap…… okay, it was more
like my 4th haul through the bottomless water well, when I suddenly saw a beautiful
human form standing at the end of my lane.
He was a god like creature who resembled a young and straight Ricky
Martin. I couldn't believe my luck. My cheap goggles began
to steam up almost instantly, so I swam faster to get a closer
look. When I reached the end of my lane,
or at that point I thought the end of my life as I knew it, I caught the light
from the sparkling pool tiles reflecting off what I can only assume was his Italian or
Portuguese olive skin. Yes, I had not been fooled by my fading eye sight; this
young man was an aesthetic jackpot! I looked up and smiled nervously. He gave me the generic "what's up" head nod while he sat down to wait for a free lane. It didn’t take me long to see the work of the Gods here as I pounced on the opportunity to offer him my lane to share. I figured this way, our skins could accidently touch, and he’d be forced to feel what I was feeling. He probably had more sense than to share a lane with a crazy gym lady who gets up at 5am and wears pink lumo goggles, because he politely turned down my offer. As disappointed as I was to miss my chance at playing a little Marco Polo, I figured I would just have to impress him with my ultra-athletic ability. This would mean tumble turns, good timing, and speed.
I started out gliding through the water like a real champ, with good form and stamina, and I was even remembering some of the things my old school swimming coach taught me ( focus on your kicking, push down the water, come up after every 3 strokes to breathe etc.) About less than half way into my surreptitious plan, my not so fit body was running out of energy, and rather conspicuously too. My kicking got slower and I began to breathe after every 2 strokes. Failing miserably, I was forced to re-think my mission. If I wasn’t going to win him over with my “athletic” ability, I was going to have to use my grace. Yes, it was decided, I was going to swim like a lady; a well put together and poised lady who could just as well be swimming at her local country club. I could definitely pull this off!
So what does swimming like a lady mean? Don’t worry, I didn’t know either, I was just going to wing it; one can’t pass at the chance of true love when they’re already in this deep. I wracked my brain for anything that would come to me and all I could come up with was to point my toes. At this stage he was in the lane next to me, and was certain to catch a look from under the surface. Pointing toes during breastroke, although not a text book swimming technique, would surely imply I was sophisticated. Coupled with elegant dolphin dives and Yasmine Bleeth hair tosses, I’d be meeting his parents by sunset. Although in hindsight, the hair tossing must have looked rather strange seeing as I had a one size fits all swimming cap on and no hair to toss. Regardless, through all my zealous endeavours, I really thought I had him pinned. But I think I lost him when he saw me doing butterfly. I looked like a caterpillar at a matric rage; lumo goggles and all.
Sadly by this point, my time was up; apart from busting out with some contorted imitation of synchronised swimming, I had run out of ideas. I contemplated writing my phone number on his flipper that was lying on the bench, but thought I had probably given the guy more than enough creep for the day. So I got out the pool, sucked in my stomach and focussed intensely on walking to the change room without slipping.
Unfortunately, I had not been successful at my mission, and
was just going to have to settle for a bowl of Kellogg’s for breakfast. No
new love interest, or potential forever and ever. This mornings’ experience was
merely meant to be something I would giggle about with friends. But one thing's
for sure…I’m defintiely buying new goggles!
Monday, 27 August 2012
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